Bounce baby out the door... just bounce...




Name: Yin Mei
Sex: Female
Age: 15 goin' on 16... mrowl Sign:Gemini
Location: MN
Condition:Just lovely:-D
Hobbies/activities:Cheerleading, Tae Kwon Do, Math Team, Figure skating/ ice skating, dancing, drawing, singing, writing, reading, Making songs, Guitar, Script writing, Decorating and designing, listening to music, hanging out...
My associated sites:


THE POETICS: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Thepoetics
Request to join!

My Poetry: Rain of Thorns
http://rainthorns.blogdrive.com

Friends Blogs
http://joseaphus.blogdrive.com
http://narchi.blogdrive.com
http://ishie.blogdrive.com

http://yinstory.blogdrive.com
http://daquirisoda.blogdrive.com
I am no queen... But I am my own


   

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Friday, April 16, 2004
Burn and rebirth...

Once again phoenix, born again...
Fresh new beginning, end of the end.
The wave shall fall but I shall stand
There are no more fighting fans

There is a blue sky that I like
and I like it.



HI! I'm Yin, and I'm doing well today.  :-D
lots of luv
yinnypoo

Posted at 12:42 am by Yinnypoo
Comments (1)

Friday, April 09, 2004
Help

Hi, This is yin..
um... I think it's at it again.. I've highlighted my symptoms in bold... I dunno why i'm posting this.. but I just think it's the right thing to do.. yea...
I'm really getting tired of like, being super flustered over everything really little... i dunno.  just started yesterday...
and it felt like walking in a dream today...like I could do anything and i wouldn't care.. like hurt myself or something, and I could just watch it happen like a movie.. ... it's kinda scary.  please help.  I don't wanna hurt myself.. what should I do.  make it stop coming back...
and please, i want to know.. what would happen if I died? neither jessy nor xian could answer me.. I just wanna knw.

more resources: http://www.jaredstory.com/depression.html

I'm not highlighting anything here.. but nvm...
I feel really silly...
I'm not trying to get attention, please help, but what can u do?

DANGER SIGNS OF SUICIDE:

  • Talking about suicide, or killing oneself, even in a joking manner.
  • Statements about hopelessness, helplessness, or worthlessness.
  • Preoccupation with death.
  • Suddenly happier, calmer.
  • Loss of interest in things one cares about.
  • Visiting or calling people one cares about.
  • Making arrangements; setting one's affairs in order.
  • Giving things away.

If a person has four or more of the symptoms of depression get help FAST!

What Is Depression & What Are It's Symptoms?
by Tiffini Johnso

What is depression?
Depression is a medical illness, just as a cold and, like a cold that gets worse until it evolves into the flu, sadness that evolves into depression can be treated with medicine and with counseling. Despite popular belief, we do not have to remain in the pain.

What are it's symptoms?
There are many symptoms to depression that include:

  1. change in appetite
  2. change in sleeping habits
  3. low performance in school/work
  4. increased irritability/agitation
  5. guilt
  6. feelings of worthlessness
  7. feeling 'empty' or 'numbed'
  8. feeling overwhelming sadness
  9. feeling fatigued
  10. loss in interest in things once enjoyed
  11. thoughts of suicide/self-harm. all are symptoms of depression.
WHAT IS DEPRESSION

What depression is not - Depression is not simply "the blues" or a "bad hair day".

What depression is - Depression is a mental cloud over the brain, a Chemical Imbalance, "messing up" the logic it (the brain) receives and disperses.  Depression can cause indecision and dysfunction within every balance of life, spiritual, mental, physical, financial, family relationships and in society.
Technical/Physical  - The Pituitary Gland, which controls all the other glands in your body, also controls the adrenals. The Adrenal Glands sit on the back of your kidneys and puts out a stimulant / adrenaline, which is the fight or flight mechanism.  It is the thing that gets you tensed up and excited, it makes all your muscles ready to respond quickly to you. It speeds up your heart rate so that it will supply blood (prepares quickly). The problem is that if you build up too much adrenaline it begins to attack your body.  It's a very powerful hormone and it uses up energy quickly.  If you are under stress and you get tense, you get tired.  You are using up blood sugar to keep your muscles tense and to keep the heart beating. (See Food Therapy for Depression  for some help with this problem)

Having a Balance of Healthy Spirit, Mind, Body, Family, Finances and Society is essential to every human being. Take one of these balances out of you life and you'll be traveling on a broken wheel. As an example: Healthy body - What happens when you are depressed for a long period of time, failing to exercise or eat properly?  You may begin to gain weight or, as your immune system gets low, you get sick.  Soon, your family will suffer, your work, play, and volunteer activities.  Before long the world seems to fall apart and "stinkin thinkin" begins to take over your mind, and possible thoughts of suicide.

Interesting Notes:

  • People with depression are 20X more likely to have an accident on the road because of the characteristics of depression, can't concentrate, can't focus, and the mind wanders.
  • Road Rage is a Stress incident related to the Pituitary gland which kicks up the adrenals, then your body goes to "ready" and tensed up mode.
  • An Experimental treatment is being researched at B.Y.U., and in Europe, using a "transcranial magnetic stimulator" for treating serious clinical depression.
  • The difference between a Psychologist and a Psychiatrist - A Psychologist is a "talk/listen" Therapist and a Psychiatrist is a Medical Doctor.
  • The number one cause of suicide is UNTREATED DEPRESSION.
WHAT CAUSES DEPRESSION?
Triggers cause depression!
Definition: Depression Triggers - "Anything that happens physically or emotionally, such as an injury or bad learning experience, that can cause an imbalance within the normal brain function."

Watch for events in the child's or adults life that might trigger depression.  Depression triggers are more likely to be, 'sudden' triggers, or the unexpected events of life. When the event happens most people do not think of the long term effects of the trigger.  It may be as soon as a day to several months before depression can be diagnosed because of the trigger event.

Here are a few examples:

  • A death of a family member or close friend.
  • An assault, car accident or painful physical event.
  • A painful mental, or emotional event.
  • Marriage breakup, or love lost suddenly.
  • Constant physical, mental, or emotional pain that goes on for a length of time.
  • Developing a disease or illness that will not get better.
  • Major Financial setback.
  • Something "embarrassing" happens.
  • Failing an important exam a school.
  • A best friend moves out of town.
  • Consistently bad eating habits (carbonation, white flour & sugar)
  • Substance abuse.
  • A Rape, or sexual attack, by a known or unknown person.
  • Consistent lack of exercise which can cause weight gain.
  • Weight gain.


WHAT ARE THE  SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSION?

It can be very hard to diagnose depression.  There are many different kinds of depression.  Within the Depression family there are many disorders, some unpronounceable, and some not, as yet, researched.  Some of the more well known related depression disorders are; Anxiety, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD),
Not all people will have the same symptoms, or have them to the same degree.  Here are some symptoms to watch for:

  • Persistent sad or "empty" mood.
  • Feeling hopeless, helpless, worthless.
  • Pessimistic and or guilty attitude.
  • Fatigued or loss of interest in ordinary activities.
  • Disturbances in eating and sleeping patterns.
  • Irritability, increased crying, anxiety, PTSD, and panic attacks.
  • Nervous behavior, heavy breathing or stomach aches appear when stressed.
  • Difficulty concentrating, remembering or making decisions.
  • Thoughts of suicide; suicide plans or attempts.
  • Persistent physical symptoms or pains that do not respond to treatment.
If any of these symptoms last more than a few weeks, especially after a known trigger event, a doctor or psychiatrist should be consulted.

DEPRESSION CAN LEAD TO SUICIDE!

Definition: Suicidal Behavior - "Anything that happens to the thinking within the brain, such as injury or bad learning experiences that can interfere with serotonins ability to keep basic instincts in line."  Cardell Smith

The statistics show that that suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death among those 15 to 25 years of age and the 6th leading cause of death among those 5 to 14 years of age.  Can you believe that 5 year olds are killing themselves!  Are these isolated incidents?  Not so.  Its estimated that 500,000 teenagerstry to kill themselves every year, and about 5000 succeed.
   It is unknown how many senior citizens are killing themselves today but statistics are being gathered that show that the older senior, (65 yrs.+), rate of suicide is climbing.  The difference between this type of suicide and teen suicide seems to be mostly related to the "love lost" trigger.  Seniors who have lost a spouse become highly at risk for depression and suicide.

When Depression has spiraled out of control, look for these...
DANGER SIGNS OF SUICIDE:

  • Talking about suicide, or killing oneself, even in a joking manner.
  • Statements about hopelessness, helplessness, or worthlessness.
  • Preoccupation with death.
  • Suddenly happier, calmer.
  • Loss of interest in things one cares about.
  • Visiting or calling people one cares about.
  • Making arrangements; setting one's affairs in order.
  • Giving things away.
   If a person has four or more of the symptoms of depression get help FAST!

T A L K
about DEPRESSION TRIGGERS, DEPRESSION, & SUICIDE!

Some people think that by talking about suicide, the attention might encourage others to die by suicide.  Actually, the opposite is true.  Studies have shown that as many as fifty percent of the general public have seriously considered suicide as a solution to their problems.  I would dare say that at some time in everyone's life, everyone has had, at least, a passing thought of the suicide option. Talking about suicide gives thought to the consequences and victims left behind.  And with a little help and time, almost anyone can be helped with depression and suicidal feelings.  But it has to be talked about first! Suicide is the forbidden word, the most uncomfortable subject in the modern world. The only time you hear about it on television is in a joking manner or some bad person kills someone then themselves.  This lack of communication needs to change so lives can be saved.


Posted at 11:49 pm by Yinnypoo
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Friday, March 26, 2004
My life isn't missing...

Hi,
Dear everyone.

I'm better now.  I feel better now. 
Sometimes I'm really immature.
and unreasonable, saying hurtful things for no good reason, other than the emotional turbulence in myself. 

but sometimes I'm not immature.
Sometimes I can be mature.
Sometimes I pull you out of the ditch 

Posted at 12:16 am by Yinnypoo
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Wednesday, March 24, 2004
I hate you

I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! you hurt me I hate you, I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! You hate me! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate youuuuu!!!!!!!!

But most of all
I hate myself.

because I'm mean.  I told xian he was mean, and he's about the nicest person I know.  He's been the best to me ever.. ever ever ever... 
I told kevin he was mean, when he was the nicest person I had known, cuz he said I was mean when I was mean to him. and now I can't forgive him cuz he's mean now too cuz he can't forgive me for being mean. 
I told ben he was mean, when he was nice to me when he dumped me, just cuz he dumped me, and that was mean. 
But I told them they were mean,
cuz i was mean,
cuz all I care about is my fucking self
I told daphne she was mean, cuz she had a life of her own to deal with, and hence can't handle mine too. 
I told alyssa she was mean in 6th grade, for no reason, some miniscule reason. 
I tell my dad he's mean when he's really caring about me.
I tell my mom she's mean, when she's really worrying about me.
I tell people they're mean when they're not.
I tell people they're mean when they don't do what I want them to do.

So I'm mean. 
Thats not right, I'm usually so nice, why am I so mean?
I'm self absorbed,
self inept,
a bitch with no backbone
yea?
guess what
sticks and stones may break my bones
but words break my heart.
So news to you, meanie, I do have a back bone, but I don't have a heart
my heart is broken
and apparently thats all I care about,
so I'm mean.
literally, my ring. the one where u wear a certain way if ur taken, and a certain way if ur single.. the one with the hands presenting the heart on a crown..
I found it today..
I had lost it before..
and the part with the heart got broken off...
so that the hands are presenting nothing.
no heart.
I have no heart.
I'm mean.
I'm mean to the people I love most
I abuse them with words they don't deserve.. mean words! 
I abuse myself too, physically and emotionally, or I used to.
I deprive myself of love and enjoyment.
and when i do enjoy, I bulge.
I deny.
I don't deserve you mr. nice guy. 
ur much too nice for me. 
I think I need to go to sleep. 
you give up so much for me, and I haven't done a thing for you willingly.
why are you so nice to me.
You love me you say? I wish I can love you as much.  I do love you emotionally, but I wanna really love u, to show you that I do. and I haven't done that. 
does it hurt you to know that I probably can't express it as well as I used to?
does it hurt to know that I'm hurt and that I can't make it stop, and hence I hurt others because I am hurt?
does it hurt to know that when I'm hurting you with words, I'm really trying to stop, I'm really crying out for help?
no it doesn't.
because you are hurting too, and you can't hurt anymore.

but know this, although I hate you, I love you more.
but when I hate myself, I hate you for loving me. 
because to love me when I hate myself hurts you.
and I don't want to hurt you.
but to love me would hurt you,
and HOW could u hurt yourself?!
thats why you're mean. 
cuz I'm mean to you, and you let me be. 
But it all comes down to me in the end.
and I apologize.

Posted at 11:33 pm by Yinnypoo
Comments (1)

Monday, March 22, 2004
I'm not the girl-Rachel Farris

RACHEL FARRIS LYRICS

I'm Not The Girl


You try
You fail
You make a bad impression
I cry
You bail..
Sticky situation.
I know
You know
It's your infatuation
You stay
I'll go

[Chorus]
I am not the girl
You thought I would be
I will never be
So get over me
I am not the girl
I'm going to be
Nothing more to say...

My wings, they grow
Call it evolution,
Some things move slow
With determination,
You ask
You cry
It's your desolation
You wonder why

I am not the girl
You thought I would be
I will never be
So get over me
I am not the girl
I'm going to be

"Why do I have to hear you say these things over and over"

You can't deal with trust

"How many times do I have to listen to you trying to make me be something that I'm not"

You can't handle me

"Why can't I do the things you want me to do
Why can't I talk the way you want me to talk
Well I'm tired of trying to make myself be what you want me to be"

I am me

I don't foresee any resolution
You won't agree
Unfavorable reception
I know I need out of this attrition
Do you hear me

I am not the girl
You thought I would be
I will never be
So get over me
I am not the girl
I'm going to be

"Why can't I do the things you want me to do"

I am not the girl
You thought I would be
I will never be
So get over me
I am not the girl
I'm going to be

Posted at 11:13 pm by Yinnypoo
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Tuesday, March 16, 2004
I am

I am the broken mirror with a million reflections that dance when you move.

I am a rose garden where somebody had come and picked all my roses, leaving me only the thorns.

I am never happy, and when I am, I'm guilty

I am always hungry for the apple I can't reach

I am a broken heart on your dinner plate, still bleeding and beating painfully

I am a fish out of water struggling to breath

I am a rope, torn between two sides in a game of tug of war

I am a novel without romance

I am the gold that never shines

I am on fire.


well, guess what u guys, I got nominated for the global  young leaders conference... I think that's pretty cool.. 13 days this summer in Washington DC/ New York or.. in Europe in Vienna, and other places..
and I got "Sunshine Award" for Cheerleading (for having a positive attitude, and being the sunshine i guess!).. hehe, I got a plaque and everything! sweeet. and I also got the charm of the "crayon box" lol.. for being so "colorful" hehe.. 
so yea..
ok.. lata ...
today was good. and tremendously bad...
some hearts broke... but they've been broken...


you shouldn't have to share me with someone else dear...
and you don't have to anymore. 

Posted at 12:20 am by Yinnypoo
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Saturday, March 13, 2004
Torn white flags for rent when you're forty

My story in a set of lyrics

Torn
Natalie Imbruglia
I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm
He came around
And he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry

Well you couldn't be that man I adored
You don't seem to know
Or seem to care
What your heart is for
I don't know him anymore

I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late
I'm already torn

So I guess the fortune tellers right
I should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
But you crawled beneath my veins
And now, I don't care
I have no luck
I don't miss it all that much
There's just so many things
That I can't touch
I'm torn

There's nothin' he used to lie
My inspiration has run dry
That's what's going on
Nothing's right
I'm torn


White flag: Dido

"I know you think that I shouldn't still love you or tell you that,
but if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it, where's the sense in that
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder or return to where we were but..

I will go down from this ship and I won't put my hands up and surrender
there will be no white flag above my door, I'm in love and always will be


I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again
and I cause nothing but trouble, I understand if you can't talk to me again
and if you live by the rules, it's over. Then i'm sure that it makes sense...but

I will go down with this ship and I won't put my hands up and surrender
there will be no white flag above my door, I'm in love and always will be

and when we meet, which I'm sure we will
all that was there will be there still
I'll let it pass, and hold my tongue
and you will think, that I've moved on

I will go down with this ship and I won't put my hands up and surrender
there will be no white flag above my door, I'm in love and always will be."



Life for rent-Dido

I haven't ever really found a place that I call home
I never stick around quite long enough to make it
I apologise that once again I'm not in love
but it's not as if I mind that your heart ain't exactly breaking
it's just a thought, only a thought
.......
While my heart is a shield and I won't let it down
While I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try
well how can I say I'm alive

but if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
well I deserve nothing more than I get
cos nothing I have is truly mine

see you when you're 40-Dido

now I've seen, tonight, how could I waste my time
and I'll be on my way, and I won't be back..
coz I've seen, tonight what I've been warned about..
"you're just a boy, not a man, and I'm not coming back"

For all those little boys in my life who I can live without from now on and forever and ever and ever
because,

I can't stand anyone but myself... ;)
it's not your fault little boys... it's only cuz I'm too good for you. 
I feel too high above the ground, and I can't get back down to earth to pick you up
oh no no no, to pick you up no..

Maybe cuz I don't want you to hold me down,
or maybe cuz I don't have the strength to pick you up
whatever it is, I don't want you anymore
I think I want to be myself now. 

Free and able to fly
with any other guy......
who can look and smile in my eyes
without knowing who I am
inside..

because all they care about is how great they can lie
but that's fine with me
cuz I lie too
to everyone but you.
but I don't want you
I don't know why..... ask the guys...
I don't know how.. ask my heart...
but it's broken..
so you'll never know... too bad...

"who makes you feel like I make you feel.."

Why is music so cruel?
Why does it always remind me of you?
Why does it make me sad
Should I not listen to it?
but my name is music.. I can't avoid it..
mei "Yin".. Yin is music... music is Yin...
oh please.
"I've still got sand in my shoes, and I can't shake the thought of you
I should get on, forget you, but why would I want to..
I know we said goodbye, anything else woulda been confused but,
I... wanna see you again..
again
again
again.....


-by anyone but Yin



Posted at 11:41 pm by Yinnypoo
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Wednesday, March 10, 2004
Goodbye World, Last words and Will

Last words

I love you

who ever you are, wherever you are whatever you are.
I love all of you.

what is life without love.
What is love without life?
none without the other.
I'm preparing to be smothered. by my pillow soaked in.. bleach and this other stuff..

no way out now.
goodnight world
I love you

why did you leave me? it hurts
CANT YOU HEAR ME???!!???

no you can't.
wait for something better you say.. make it clear as clarity by jimmy eat world.
post it in ur profile for all to see.. for me to see
throw me away and wait for somethng better, cuz I'm just an object you can throw around
I have no feelings
I'm a bitch, I deserve this all yea? NOT.
I don't deserve thisss!! I'm not ur thing to play with. I'm not ur thing to throw away,
I'm not just a thing.
don't TOUCH ME
don't LOVE ME
DON'T! just kill me and throw me away like another broken promise you'll never keep.

Yin is dead you guys.  She's dead. you lost her.
but now there's a new yin, I'm a phoenix.
this new yin doesn't know who kevin is.
so don't ask me about him
she doesn't know what u are

something better yeah? well here's something for YOU!

GOODBYE!!

Posted at 12:36 am by Yinnypoo
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Lonliness dominates you... in seven ways sometimes

brought to you by Quizilla Alone
Lonliness dominates you. You can hide it well, but
its there, and your friends can see it. You
constantly feel alone, and need to do things to
fill your time. Your afraid to tell people
this, but sooner or later it gets out in a bad
way, and you think you screwed up everything.
And when you are in love is when you are sad
the most. (Please Vote)

brought to you by Quizilla Alone
Lonliness dominates you. You can hide it well, but
its there, and your friends can see it. You
constantly feel alone, and need to do things to
fill your time. Your afraid to tell people
this, but sooner or later it gets out in a bad
way, and you think you screwed up everything.
And when you are in love is when you are sad
the most. (Please Vote)

Posted at 12:29 am by Yinnypoo
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Monday, March 08, 2004
:'( unclear

Jimmy Eat World
Clarity lyrics

I'll take your words as if you were talking to me.
Say what I know you'll say and say it through your teeth.

Now in the deep and down your heart moves.
Now in the deep and down, I don't know how but I know I want out.
Wait for something better,
Will I know when it can be us?
Wait for something better.
Maybe that doesn't mean us.
Wait for something better,
I shouldn't, it's not enough.
Pull one excuse from another.

And with pride keep every failure in.
And with pride hold on to your thinking.

Now in the deep and down your heart moves.
Now in the deep and down, I don't know how but I know I want out.
Wait for something better,
Will I know when it can be us?
Wait for something better.
Maybe that doesn't mean us.
Wait for something better,
I shouldn't, it's not enough.
Pull one excuse from another.
Just one excuse from another.
This time it means us. stop.



Unclear clarity shines on a rainy day when the world is washed from the blinding dirt and everything is cleansed again


Escape
Enrique Iglesias

(You can run, you can hide
But you can't escape my love)

Here's how it goes, you and me, up and down
oh baby this time We'll, get right, worth a fight
Cause love is something you can't
shake
When it breaks
All it takes is some trying

If you feel like leaving
I'm not gonna make you stay
Soon you'll be finding
You can run, you can hide
But you can't escape my love
You can run, you can hide
But you can't escape my love

So
if you go
You should know
It's hard to just forget the past
so it passed
It was good,
it was bad
but it was real
And that's all you get in the end our love matters

Here's how it goes
All it takes is some trying
You can run, you can hide
But you can't escape my love

you can run (you can run)
you can hide (you can hide)
But you can't escape my love




Posted at 08:23 pm by Yinnypoo
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