1. Take victim on a sentimental walk through the park, talking about life.
Then somehow slip in the wisdom: "When life gives you lemons..make lemonade.."
Then stop walking and turn to him when he asks "what's the matter bitch?"
Then look him in the eye and say "you're a lemon.. and you know what I must do.."
He'll say: "make lemonade?"
and you will nodd and bring out a chainsaw.
Then watch him run away.. if he doesn't.. well hey, the guy's stupid.. chop down the nearest tree and build a lemonade stand and place him inside.. tell him goodbye.
2. A nicer way is to make the guy.. think he's the one doin' the dumping. Start by wearing the same thing everyday. Don't Change EVER. Then if he's still ignorant... pretend that you've suddenly believe you've been abducted by aliens and keep calling him your exbf's name. if you don't have one, make one up. Then if that still doesn't work.. start punching him everytime he starts bein'g really funny and get a really weird accent. If that still doesn't work, pretend to be insane and have random fits of rage. If he's really that loyal.. (dude.. what's his problem?) shave your hair.. and sprinkle the remains on him.. and if THAT doesn't work.. AHHHH! pretend he dumped you and act mad and run away..
3. I dunno.. I guess I'm really bored. if you really wanna dump a guy.. make a list of why you think you should.. and then communicate with him. if he starts to call you swear words.. slap him and walk away and never talk to him again after some very wise last words.
4. just one day stop talking to him and pretend you have amnesia?
Disclaimer: Not responsible for any unpredictable wild crazy acts of harm created by the dumpee onto the dumper in a fit of extreme emotion.